Keeping subjects close to verbs

      One of the principles of writing clear English sentences is to keep subjects close to verbs. Perhaps it is better to think of keeping verbs close to subjects, because we usually write the subject first. This is a principle, not an absolute edict, however, and so will be violated occasionally. But people who violate it need to have a good reason and know how to do it right.
      I recently saw an example of how to do it wrong. It was in a letter to the editor of a local newspaper. The write had constructed a one-sentence paragraph with the verb buried so far at the end of the sentence that I got completely lost trying to find it. In fact, the first time through, I doubted that it even had a verb.
      Here is the sentence:

      As it turns out, all the fears that we had and still have about the impact of ill-advised strategic planning, land use and growth management as they relate to the future of the community, in terms of small businesses, schools, school budgets, educational resource allocation, basic infrastructure upgrades, tax revenues (or lack thereof despite the posturing, and “fuzzy math”), build-out rate, building permit caps, soil and sedimentation issues … the depletion of wetlands due to advances in septic system technology for marginal applications and the commensurate damage, collateral or otherwise, to our historical typography, farms, fields, stone walls, trees … are being realized right before our eyes.

      Did you find the verb? Here is the sentence again, with subject and verb highlighted:

      As it turns out, all the fears that we had and still have about the impact of ill-advised strategic planning, land use and growth management as they relate to the future of the community, in terms of small businesses, schools, school budgets, educational resource allocation, basic infrastructure upgrades, tax revenues (or lack thereof despite the posturing, and “fuzzy math”), build-out rate, building permit caps, soil and sedimentation issues … the depletion of wetlands due to advances in septic system technology for marginal applications and the commensurate damage, collateral or otherwise, to our historical typography, farms, fields, stone walls, trees … are being realized right before our eyes.

      The main problem is simple—a huge subordinate clause with several layers of its own structure has been inserted between subject and verb. Here is a rough diagram of the sentence, with minor components placed farther to the right:

As it turns out,

all the fears that we had and still have

about the impact of ill-advised

strategic planning,
land use and
growth management

as they relate to the future of the community,

in terms of

small businesses,
schools,
school budgets,
educational resource allocation,
basic infrastructure upgrades,
tax revenues (or lack thereof despite the posturing, and “fuzzy math”),
build-out rate,
building permit caps,
soil and sedimentation issues …
the depletion of wetlands due to advances in septic system technology for marginal applications
and the commensurate damage, collateral or otherwise, to our

historical typography,
farms,
fields,
stone walls,
trees …

are being realized right before our eyes.

      Whew! No wonder I couldn’t find the verb.
      The question, of course, is how to fix this sentence. The obvious answer is to break it into two by making that long subordinate clause into its own sentence that follows the first. A revised paragraph might look like this:

      All the fears that we had and still have are coming true right before our eyes. They include the impact of ill-advised strategic planning, land use and growth management on the community’s small businesses, schools and their budgets, allocation of educational resources, upgrades to the basic infrastructure, tax revenues (or lack thereof, despite posturing and fuzzy math), build-out rate, caps on building permits, soil and sedimentation issues … depletion of wetlands as advances in septic system technology are applied to marginal locations, and the commensurate damage, collateral or otherwise, to our historical typography, farms, fields, stone walls, and trees.

      The second sentence is still long, but it is at least manageable.

The Grammar Guy
24 March 2002