OCG533, Fall 2001
Homework assignment 10, due 1 October 2001
Effective sentences I
Exercise 11-1.
Characters and actions.
Here is a GSO student abstract that was
written in an indirect style. Its characters are diffuse, its actions
ill-defined. Its nouns ramble when they should be short and crisp, and its verbs
go flaccid when they should be active and terse. Try rewriting this abstract
with the goal of clarifying the subjects and strengthening the verbs. Simplify
the wording as much as possible, so that readers will be able to identify
characters and actions immediately and know exactly who or what did what.
(Remember that characters need not be people.) Make sure that characters and
actions are near each another in the sentences. Overdo rather than underdo. If
it will clarify and simplify the message, feel free to rearrange sentences and
even paragraphs. Lastly, optimize the sentences in any other way you see fit.
Confinement of aquatic organisms to surface waters by water column stratification might increase damage by surface UVB radiation. In our experiment, the responses of copepod abundances to 2 different levels of surface UVB radiation input (ambient and 50% more ambient levels) were monitored in 6 thermally stratified enclosures during the month of June, 1994.
During the 4 week period, copepod nauplii of Acartia hudsonica and Centropages hamatus showed significantly lower numbers in the UVB enhanced systems than in controls. The difference between the treatment became greater over the experimental period. Copepodite and adult stages did not show significant differences in abundance between treatments. Vertical distribution of the nauplii of A. hudsonica and C. hamatus indicated a lower abundance above the thermocline. This observation was consistent with measurement of direct UVB impact on mortality of A. tonsa nauplii in a short term incubation experiment in which the mortality was 3 times higher at the surface.