OCG533, Fall 2001
Answers to Assignment 6—Fixing noun phrases
Here are five sentences from the scientific literature. Each contains one or more noun phrases that need to be optimized. Find the problematic noun phrases and fix each. Give the reasons for your changes. Use everything you have learned so far in this course.
1. Original. Sorption, diffusion, and degradation are the
main processes determining the long-term persistence and biological activity of
herbicides and other contaminants and their rate of movement through the
unsaturated zone and potential for groundwater contamination.
Comments. This sentence is two noun
phrases separated by the verb “are.” The first is a short subject that does
not have to be revised. It is a series with three elements that have been
punctuated properly.
The second noun phrase, however, is much
very longer. It is also a complex three-part series, the first part of which
contains embedded series. It needs to be shortened and clarified. Short of
breaking the sentence into two, which may not be necessary, the best way to
clarify this noun phrase is to make its three elements more parallel.
Revision. Sorption, diffusion,
and degradation are the main processes that determine the persistence and
biological activity of herbicides and other contaminants, their rate of moving
through the unsaturated zone, and their potential for contaminating the
groundwater.
Revision 2. [Increase the
parallelism within the predicate by moving of herbicides and other
contaminants into the subject] Sorption, diffusion, and degradation of
herbicides and other contaminants are the main processes that determine their
persistence and biological activity, their rate of moving through the
unsaturated zone, and their potential for contaminating the groundwater.
Revision 3. [Split into two
sentences.] The actions and fate of herbicides and other contaminants are
controlled mainly by sorption, diffusion, and degradation. These processes
determine the contaminants’ persistence and biological activity, their rate of
moving through the unsaturated zone, and their potential for contaminating the
groundwater.
2. Original. We previously reported on the characteristics of
indoor particle sources using data collected from an indoor particle study
conducted in three nonsmoking homes in the Boston area during the winter and
summer of 1996.
Comments. This noun phrase is a
classic example of overwriting. The characteristics of can be deleted. Using
data collected from is also unnecessary. Nonsmoking homes, other than
being humorous, can be changed to smoke-free homes. During the winter
and summer of 1996 can be shortened to during winter and summer 1996.
Revised. We previously reported on
the indoor sources of particles revealed by a study of three smoke-free homes in
greater Boston during winter and summer 1996.
3. Original. The island of Newfoundland lies in the path of
prevailing winds that carry anthropogenic sulfur from emission sources located
on the eastern North American mainland over the Atlantic Ocean.
Comments. This noun phrase is
overly long and wordy. It can best be dealt with by cutting out small bits of
fat in several places while leaving the underlying structure intact. In the
path of becomes under; from emission sources located on the
eastern North American mainland becomes from eastern North America.
Note how sources is placed after eastern North America to break up the
potentially confusing phrase in eastern North America to the Atlantic Ocean.
Revision. The island of
Newfoundland lies under prevailing winds that carry anthropogenic sulfur from
eastern North American sources to the Atlantic Ocean.
4. Original. The time scale for the records that are used for
the investigation of the 100-ky cycle is based on the existence in these
δ18O records of variability that is confidently associated with
variations in axial obliquity (41 ky) and with the precession of the equinoxes
(23 and 19 ky).
Comments. The first noun phrase
needs only to be shortened a bit. The second, longer phrase needs more work.
Each of the shorter cycles should be written in a way that parallels the 100-ky
cycle, which postpones their explanations to the end; existence and variability
can be deleted because they are redundant with other parts of the sentence; and
δ18O can be moved to the first part of the phrase.
Revision. The time scale for the
records of δ18O used to investigate the 100-ky cycle comes from
the cycles of 41 ky and 23 and 19 ky, which have been confidently associated
with variations in axial obliquity and with the precession of the equinoxes,
respectively.
Revision 2. [Links to obliquity and
precession accepted.] The time scale for the records of δ18O
used to investigate the 100-ky cycle comes from the cycles of 41 ky and 23 and
19 ky, which come from variations in axial obliquity and from the precession of
the equinoxes, respectively.
5. Original. Current information about the concentration and
composition, sources and methods for determining sources, and the relations
among different size fractions of ambient particulate matter in polluted areas
in the United States will be summarized.
Comments. The noun phrase that is
the subject is entirely too long relative to the predicate. Note how the noun
phrase delays the important information of ambient particulate matter in
polluted areas in the United States until the very end, which makes it
effectively front-loaded even though not technically so. Fix the first problem
be reversing the sentence. Fix the second part by placing that closing phrase up
front where it belongs.
Revision. This article
summarizes current information on various aspects of ambient pollution aerosol
in the United States, including its concentration and composition, its sources
and methods for determining them, and the relations among its size fractions.
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