Paragraph from Regina’s introduction
Original
The motion in the oceans is primarily
driven by wind and buoyancy fluxes. The former is called wind-driven circulation
and the later thermohaline circulation. Both processes occur primarily in the
upper ocean near the air-sea interface. Nevertheless, motion does occur
throughout the whole water column, from the surface to the bottom. Far from the
air-sea interface, the ocean is indirectly set into motion by changes in the
density field that is determined near the surface. Knowing the density structure
of the oceans, therefore, is vital to understand ocean circulation. But that is
not an easy task. The density field affects the circulation (velocity field),
which in turn affects the density field. Besides the nonlinear nature of the
oceans, the wind and buoyant forcing vary from short to long time scales and
from small to large spatial scales, making the density structure more complex.
Hydrographic studies show, however, that the oceans are composed by layers of
water with same temperature and salinity characteristics, hence same density.
The layers are called water masses. Their temperature and salinity
characteristics are determined near the air-sea interface where they are formed.
As they move away from the formation area, their T-S characteristics are
conserved, i.e., does not vary considerably. Therefore, water mass analysis
helps to understand the ocean circulation.
Small
things
The [delete definite article]
motion in the oceans is primarily driven by wind and buoyancy fluxes
[ambiguous coordination]. The former is called wind-driven circulation and
the later [latter] thermohaline circulation [wrong referents].
Both processes [forces] occur primarily in the upper ocean near the
air-sea interface [redundant]. Nevertheless, motion does occur throughout
the whole water column, from the surface to the bottom [redundant phrase].
Far from the air-sea interface, the ocean is indirectly set into motion by
changes in the density field that is [are] determined [fixed] near
the surface. Knowing the density structure of the oceans, therefore, is vital to
understand [ing] ocean circulation. But that is not an easy task. The
density field affects the circulation ([the] velocity field), which in
turn affects the density field. Besides the nonlinear nature of the oceans [the
nonlinear nature does not vary on these time scales], the wind and buoyant
forcing vary from short to long time scales and from small to large spatial
scales [condense], making the density structure more complex.
Hydrographic studies show, however, that the oceans are composed by [of]
layers of water with same [constant] temperature and salinity
characteristics [delete word], [and] hence [the] same
density. The layers are called water masses. [Combine two previous
sentences.] Their temperature and salinity characteristics [delete word]
are determined near the air-sea interface where they [the water masses]
are formed. As they move away from the formation area [shorten], their
T-S characteristics are conserved, i.e., [they] does [plural] not
vary considerably. Therefore, water mass analysis helps [us] to
understand the ocean circulation.
First
level of revision
Oceanic motion is primarily driven by wind
and buoyancy. The resulting circulations are called wind-driven and thermohaline,
respectively. Although both circulations begin primarily near the surface, the
entire ocean moves, mostly in response to changes in density created at the
surface. Therefore, it is important to know the density structure of the oceans
if their circulation is to be understood. This is no easy task, however, for the
density field affects the circulation (the velocity field), which in turn
affects the density field, and so forth. In addition to these nonlinear effects,
the density structure is made more complex because the wind and buoyant forcing
vary on short and long temporal and spatial scales. Hydrographic studies show,
however, that the oceans are composed of well-defined water masses, or layers of
water with constant temperature and salinity, and hence constant density. Their
temperatures and salinities are fixed near the surface as the water masses are
formed, and remain nearly constant as the masses move from there. Therefore,
analyzing water masses helps us understand the ocean circulation.
Larger
things
1. Oceanic motion is primarily driven by wind and buoyancy.
2. The resulting circulations are called wind-driven and thermohaline, respectively.
3. Although both circulations begin primarily near the surface, the entire ocean moves, mostly in response to changes in density created at the surface.
4. Therefore, it is important to know the density structure of the oceans if their circulation is to be understood.
5. This is no easy task, however, for the density field affects the circulation (the velocity field), which in turn affects the density field, and so forth.
6. In addition to these nonlinear effects, the density structure is made more complex because the wind and buoyant forcing vary on short and long temporal and spatial scales.
7. Hydrographic studies show, however, that the oceans are composed of well-defined water masses, or layers of water with constant temperature and salinity, and hence constant density.
8. Their temperatures and salinities are fixed near the surface as the water masses are formed, and remain nearly constant as the masses move from there.
9. Therefore, analyzing water masses helps us understand the ocean circulation.
The nine sentences in this paragraph fall into two groups, four on circulation and density and five on the paradoxical importance of water masses. The last five sentences are actually three groups, two on the why the density should vary in a complex manner, two on the observation that it does not, and a concluding sentence about using water masses instead of density.
Sentence 5 should be broken into two, a short introduction and two parallel sentences. That will allow 7, 8, and 9 to form a third group.
Second
revision—larger scale
1. Oceanic motion is primarily driven by wind and buoyancy.
2. The resulting circulations are called wind-driven and thermohaline, respectively.
3. Although both circulations begin primarily near the surface, the entire ocean moves, mostly in response to changes in density created at the surface.
4. Therefore, it is important to know the density structure of the oceans if their circulation is to be understood.
5. This is no easy task, however.
6. The density field forms a nonlinear system with the velocity field (the circulation), with the first affecting the second, the second in turn affecting the first, and so forth.
7. The density field is made more complex because the wind and buoyant forcing vary on a range of temporal and spatial scales.
8. Nonetheless, the oceans are composed of well-defined water masses, or layers of water with constant temperature and salinity, and hence constant density.
9. Their temperatures and salinities are fixed near the surface as the water masses are formed, and remain nearly constant as the masses move from there.
10. Therefore, understanding water masses can help us understand the ocean circulation.
Larger
things—2
Try fusing the second and third groups.
Add phrase to #3.
Third revision—larger scale
1. Oceanic motion is primarily driven by wind and buoyancy.
2. The resulting circulations are called wind-driven and thermohaline, respectively.
3. Although both circulations begin primarily near the surface, the entire ocean moves, mostly in response to changes in density created at the surface but carried with the circulation.
4. Therefore, it is important to know the density structure of the oceans if their circulation is to be understood.
5. This is no easy task, however.
6. The density field forms a nonlinear system with the velocity field (the circulation), with the first affecting the second, the second in turn affecting the first, and so forth.
7. The density field is made more complex because the wind and buoyant forcing vary on a range of temporal and spatial scales.
8. Nonetheless, the oceans are composed of well-defined water masses, or layers of water with constant temperature and salinity, and hence constant density.
9. Their temperatures and salinities are fixed near the surface as the water masses are formed, and remain nearly constant as the masses move from there.
10. Therefore, understanding water masses can help us understand the ocean circulation.
Prose
version of third revision
Oceanic motion is primarily driven by wind
and buoyancy. The resulting circulations are called wind-driven and thermohaline,
respectively. Although both circulations begin primarily near the surface, the
entire ocean moves, mostly in response to changes in density created at the
surface but carried with the circulation. Therefore, it is important to know the
density structure of the oceans if their circulation is to be understood.
This is no easy task, however. The density
field forms a nonlinear system with the velocity field (the circulation), with
the first affecting the second, the second in turn affecting the first, and so
forth. The density field is made more complex because the wind and buoyant
forcing vary on a range of temporal and spatial scales. Nonetheless, the oceans
are composed of well-defined water masses, or layers of water with constant
temperature and salinity, and hence constant density. Their temperatures and
salinities are fixed near the surface as the water masses are formed, and remain
nearly constant as the masses move from there. Therefore, understanding water
masses can help us understand the ocean circulation.